i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
