...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
