yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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