People in love make me want to vomit
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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