Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
