I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
