Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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