we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
