i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
