Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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