I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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