I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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