Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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