did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
