this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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