They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
