If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
