The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
