I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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