Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
