my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
