He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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