He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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