I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
