this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
