nutella sex= disaster
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
