never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
