end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
