He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i think i just lost a toe
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Panties = found
Randomize
