my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Barsexuality is the new black.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
