Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
