i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
