i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
