A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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