Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
