He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
