I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My ass is underappreciated
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize