I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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