I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
