Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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