i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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