drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
