32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
honey bunches of taint.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bring money and cleavage
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
