I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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