Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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