I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
