I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
