All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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