the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
