wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
