i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize