if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
