There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
