I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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