You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
