Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS