Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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