I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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