I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
