Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
