I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
