does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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