He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
