I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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