it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank