I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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