I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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