He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
