So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
