We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
