Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
