You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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