I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
