That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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