Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
