My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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