the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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