My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
