i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
