what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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