epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
