Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
