I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
