I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
